Listening to: Deadmau5 – Raise Your Weapon
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December 21, 2010
Raise Your Weapon
December 12, 2010
If We Were Friends, We Would Discuss Porn (At Every Opportunity).
Near Christmas, when my laptop is giving out on me (not putting out), you would suggest that you are going to ask people to donate money to you instead of giving you Christmas presents. I’d tell you, in no uncertain terms that you cannot do this…because I cannot do this! You’d say you are requesting [...]
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November 30, 2010
If We Were Friends, I Would Be Having Sex With Eminem
Mid-way through a conversation I would just drop in, unexpectedly, that I wish to have sex with Eminem. You would high-5 me for my excellent choice in men. I’d say that I’d be happy with just a one time sexual encounter and request you try and arrange this for me as a Christmas gift. You’d [...]
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November 24, 2010
If We Were Friends – I’d Send You Photos…Regularly
Of almost pointless things, but you’d probably understand them. I’d send you this And, thinking you were intelligent, I’d assume you knew it meant that I’d visited the post office as your birthday is soon. But instead you’d dissect the whole photo…one…piece…at…a…time! You’d start with the top right corner and you’d say “look at the [...]
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November 21, 2010
If We Were Friends, You’d Never Forget Things, Apparently
I would whine on about something inconsequential and following this whine I would say the following: Gay… Gag… and Gah! I would follow this up by telling you it sounded like I just gave a gay guy a blow job. And then, before you could say anything, tell you to forget I ever started this [...]
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November 18, 2010
If We Were Friends, The Shorter Edition II
Mid-conversation, on an entirely different topic, I would let you know that Twitter keeps trying to make me have bum-sex with the new Twitter and that I am entirely offended by this. You would laugh. Hysterically. You would say “WTF” and I would reply “yes dear?”, with a look of extreme innocence. And you would [...]
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November 16, 2010
If We Were Friends, We Should Probably Not Tell Other People What We Talk About or We Might Be Murdered
On a daily basis you’d tell me that we’re far too alike for this to be normal. On a particular day you might tell me that you think it’s a miracle that, of all the millions of people in the world, we somehow found each other. I would tell you that we really are a [...]
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November 14, 2010
If We Were Friends, I’d Fix Your Car For You
If you were having trouble with parts for your car I would offer to fly over to your city and fix it for you. I’d then tell you that, in reality, I’m probably clever enough to fix it over the internet, whilst simultaneously asking someone how you say “clever” in French…with the irony of asking [...]
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