We meet again…Day 3! The next guest post is some good old awkward sex!!
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Some of you may know me from my new blog Confessions of a Big City Girl…if you haven’t read my stuff, go check it out sometime.
When the fabulous Jen asked me to talk about her most favorite topic I couldn’t resist. I admit I’m pretty shy when it comes to the topic of sex. I don’t like to talk about it with people I don’t know and I use code words, only because I know how I really feel about it and if everyone knew, my good girl image would go flying out the door. ☺
When it comes to sex, there’s no other greater high. I think about it practically 24/7, but I also don’t enjoy doing it with just anyone. We all have our preferences. For me? It all depends on how I feel at that moment in time. And maybe how much alcohol I’ve been drinking.
I lost my v-card pretty late in the game to another late in the game virgin. We obviously didn’t know what we were doing because we attempted “sex” several times before it happened…(which involved almost getting caught by his mom & a trip to the ER at 1 in the morning…don’t ask. I know TMI. Lol!)
Anywho, the first attempt we had been drinking. Try to picture two college freshmen after drinking an entire bottle of vodka between the two of us (I’m a fan of vodka shots and challenging others to this day) in their dorm room trying to figure out a condom. We apparently weren’t paying attention in health class during the sex education part.
(You know what I’m talking about- the condom and the banana? Yeah. I was so sheltered as a kid. And I’m pretty sure I was flirting with the cute guy who sat next to me in that class. Hence not paying attention.)
It was embarrassing and quite obvious we shouldn’t have been attempting this while we were drunk. I couldn’t get the wrapper off and he couldn’t figure out which way to put it on. (which girls, when the guy doesnt know what he’s doing, walk AWAY.)
In the process of all this happening I tripped and before hitting my head on his dresser, I grabbed the cord of his TV. Why people pile shit on top of TVs I will never know, but he had a load of laundry and some textbooks on his…The bang caused his RA to meander over to his room and knock on the door. We told him we were fine, but that wasn’t enough, he needed to physically see we were ok.
We scrambled around putting our clothes back on. I’m pretty sure I forgot my panties on his bed because his RA asked about them (What a PERVERT!) and I was wearing a miniskirt nonetheless… I was mortified. Not only did his RA see us but dude’s friends were next door, hearing the bang and being curious had wondered over to ask what the commotion had been about. The scene that met their eyes…
After the unsuccessful romp in the bed, we were REALLY sweaty and my hair was a mess. I apparently didn’t have enough time to entirely button my shirt because my bra was showing. I had a cut on my forehead. The TV was lying on the floor, clothes strewn all over the room. The bed was unmade with my bright red panties slightly under the pillow. And I should mention his sheets were white and blue…so you can imagine how those panties stuck out.
He didn’t properly button his pants, so when he stood up they slid off (yes think American Pie 3)- you could tell he had a boner-
and the condom?? it was on the floor between us…
How classy. I still haven’t been able to live that one down…
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Haha! I actually love awkward sex moments! Something to share in the future!!
DON’T FORGET – EACH COMMENT ON THE SAFE SEX POSTS WILL BE ENTERED INTO THE PRIZE DRAWER (FREE SEX STUFF, REMEMBER!?).
IF WANT EXTRA ENTRIES DO THE USUAL – DO A POST ON YOUR OWN BLOG, SUBSCRIBE, TWEET ETC…JUST MAKE SURE YOU LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE IN YOUR COMMENT!!
(NB by “free sex stuff” I mean a large amount condoms, some sex books, sex toys, lubes…pretty much anything that I can find (sex related) that will be delivered to my house in discreet packaging – or my gay neighbours might keep the parcels!).
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Drunken sex has its moments but only when you’re not completely trolly’d! Can’t believe you actually managed to do it in the first place lol
serena’s last blog post..Hi! I’m over here…
Ah, I love awkward sex related moments! There’s just something about them that really makes for a good story!! I hope it’s not still like this!! x
Haha! Picturing that whole thing in my mind just makes me laugh. Poor you!! I hope you’ve had more success since then!
oh no! yikes! that had to be super awkward! hehehehe
ChinkyGirLMeL’s last blog post..Embarrassing Mommy Moments
@serena-sad day! you honestly believe that?
@jen-no, my sex life is much better these days. it was just those 3 times where everything seemed to go wrong.
@jess-yes, for all the “not happening moments” there have twice if not three times more moments that have happened. i mean we were both sheltered growing up. and we had bad timing. but once it happened it was unbelievable I promise.
@chinkygirlmel-yes it was very AWKWARD- and really nothing happened.
Larissa’s last blog post..GRADUATE SCHOOL…part 1
HAHA… I think that if a guy doesnt know how to put one on.. he doesnt deserve to get laid.
thats just sad.
Matt’s last blog post..Today you get the bullets
I would literally die if it happens to me. LOL. SO awkward.
andhari’s last blog post..Make it or ditch it
That’s pretty classic. Oh well, you live and learn!
Angela’s last blog post..Perfection
Haha, so funny but so awkward! I’m definitely curious about the 1 am ER trip! Sounds…adventurous
Mara’s last blog post..Vanilla Ice
i imagine a scene like in the 40 Year Old Virgin, when he can’t get the condom on. you two must’ve looked like the wildest party on the floor.
f.B’s last blog post..laughs on strings
I think the first time with anyone is awkward, no matter how experienced either of you is. However, like you, I can’t really enjoy sex unless I’m totally into the person emotionally. I guess that’s why alcohol was invented
highheelgal’s last blog post..Sham-WOWed
Matt: I learned my lesson after that one. well, to a degree. :big smile:
Andhari: lol! be happy it wasn’t you this time.
Angela: yes, well it took two more attempts. (i think he was worth it ;D)
Mara: I plan on TMI’ing about that someday in the future. So feel free to check out my blog. i wouldnt want to keep you in suspense.
f.B.: his friends thought so. and im sure me in a miniskirt with no panties didnt help.
Highheelgal: the guy and I ended up dating for 4 ½ yrs after that. once sex happened for us, I think it was the best sex I’ve ever had- physically and emotionally. But alcohol always makes me adventurous. And yes it can help if you don’t like the person.
Larissa’s last blog post..On the Road… “Awkward Sexy” TMI style
Ohhhh, my.. There are just too many things to comment on! But, I’m narrowing in on your WISE advice–if the guy doesn’t know how to put it on…WALK AWAY. Glad things worked out down the road!
Sassy Britches’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: It Was THIIIIS Big!
Wow! I can just picture that in my head, and I’d be totally embarrassed as well!
Megan’s last blog post..TMI Thursday