As I skipped TMI last week, because I am bad, I thought I’d share a little over-share story with you.

Every year there is a VW surf festival in the UK called Run to the Sun…and most years we trek down for camping, drinking, dancing and general good times.  (See, I told you I camp!).  Anyhoo, there is always a large group of us and it tends to turn in to some kind of mammoth event (it is already mammouth in general, but I mean for our group).

On the year in question there were 19 of us – 6 tents, 7 cars, 1 van, 1 fridge, 2 guitars, 24 crates of beer (x24 bottles per crate – they were on special offer!), spirits and mixers galore and much much more. 

This is the tale of an impressionable young man, who isn’t so impressionable and not so young (is 27 young?).  We were drinking around the camp fire.  Okay, so there was no fire, more of a disposable BBQ (and please remember, it’s camping as in tents not log cabins).  By this point we were all pretty drunk.  The young man in question had recently split up with his girlfriend (of questionable morals, values…everything about her was questionable really) following her latest violent outburst (when she threw a brick through the window of the pub he managed) and arrest.  honestly, to look at this girl you wouldn’t think she was capable.  She was very petite, slim, quite pretty, fair…she basically looked adorable – a fantastic disguise for a psycho.

I digress!  Anyhoo, midway through Kumbiar(ok, maybe that was a lie) Mr Impressionable stood up and told everyone he had a broken weiner (yes, wEIner, not wIEner).  Clearly laughter ensued and a lot of puzzled looks.  Mr Impressionable went on to explain that approximately 8 months prior to RTTS he and his then GF had got a little frisky in the car park of the pub he runs one night after having a few glasses of “pop” (ha, I felt like my mom saying that!).  After the friskiness he had gone inside to find himself covered in blood…and by covered (he said) it was as thought Aunt Flohad been really angry that he’d touched her vadge!

Mr Impressionable went about cleaning up his business and then decided he needed to tinkle.  Unfortuantely, as he started to tinkle, he realised that Aunt Flodefinitely had not come to town when he felt a sharp sting coming from his man-gina (I just like that word).  It turned out that he had split open some skin around the turtleneck and it had bled rather a lot.

So, 9 months down the line and hisweiner was still broken.  Everytime he had the sexing it split open again.

Upon being asked why he hadn’t gone to the doctors Mr Impressionable exclaimed that he was far too embarrassed to do a thing like that…and so he went for 13 months with no sex!  YES!  A weiner takes 13 months to heal!!

The moral of the story?  don’t stop having sex with a psycho or she’ll smash your windows!!

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